Climbing the Kayak Mountain

"I have one thing to say to you, 'K2'!" echoed my sister's voice on my messages, two Tuesdays ago.

I phoned back immediately.  We had idly tossed this idea about before; but as I had been wrapped up in the Beast of Ballyhoura race and both of us had children on school holidays, it had slipped off and swum away like a fish escaping a hook. Now however, I was casting around for a new challenge and my sister, Hannah, knows I cannot resist a challenge.  I am a very goal-focussed person.  She baited her hook with care...just the right mix of challenge, potential for fun, adventure and a goal to capture my attention.  I couldn't resist and was caught hook, line and sinker.

The thing with having an adventurous spirit is that it leads you along paths you never thought you would take.  If you had known me as a child, you would have thought that I would be the last person to be blessed with such a spirit. I was a timid and shy creature with a side-line in bolshie attitude,  but only to my parents.  However, this adventurous spirit must have been lying dormant in there because it has blossomed. I blame my parents, they never told me I couldn't do anything, so there are no handbrakes on my imagination.  Thank goodness!  Imbued with this blissful lack of knowledge, I keep turning my hands to new things which is why I eagerly took my sister's bait and consequently find that my latest new thing is that I have started climbing the kayak mountain that is K2. 

For the sake of clarity, I need to make it clear that no, I am not climbing the real K2 mountain in Pakistan....  I haven't taken complete leave of my senses... What I have done, is agree to partner my sister in a K2 racing kayak. (In other words, a 2 man kayak)  It is roughly the width of a washing line and is about the length of the Amazon River, it is difficult to manoeuvre in anything but a straight line and if you move your eyes slightly to the right or the left, it capsizes immediately!

So it was that I found myself down at the kayak club at 6.15 pm on Tuesday, 9 September 2014.  I was a bit flustered because we were 45 minutes late.  I don't know how.  It just happened.  I was joined by 2 of my sons, Will and Jeremy who decided to come along to watch the spectacle.  (Will was hoping for some great capsizing moments to laugh at.)

Most of the serious racer people were already out on the water, so they were spared the confused conversation about which boat we should take, and whether we could find and unravel the right size paddles, from the crazy mishmash of those which seemed to have knitted themselves together on the racks. Finally, we managed to locate 2 paddles and wrestled them off the rack.

Both of us have completed a K1 racing kayak course and have our 1* qualification so we are not complete novices.  We were regularly training in the K1 boats before the holidays but until now, neither of us had used a K2. I have had some two-paddler experience but in the plastic general purpose open top boats. This was completely different.

We made our boat selection and took it outside to the hillock on the bank for adjustments and fine tweaking.

The boat had low seats.  We made this decision so that our centre of gravity would be lower in the water which would make the boat a bit more stable.  Hannah and I have the same length legs but she is 2 inches taller than me.  We both have low-slung, fairly wide bums.  Bums, I think designed for squashy sofas, not narrow kayaks.  Apparently in a K2 the taller, heavier person sits in the back.  I got to sit in the front.  That is all well and good but, to make the boats slice through the water they get narrower down the front end.  I have had 4 children.  I don't do narrow. I am not huge but I was trying to squash my size 12 hips into a space made for a midget.  It was so narrow that it was like trying to squeeze my whole body into leg of a wetsuit...and regular readers will know how I feel about that particular tool of torture.  I was a little worried that if we capsized I would be wedged tight.  (Afterwards some of the guys from the club made me feel a bit better by saying that a lot of women have problems with the K2s because of this and suggested I try a higher seat...more on that later)

Having adjusted the rudder, the seats and wriggled back out of the opening, together we carried our K2 down to the water.  To say I was full of trepidation, is an understatement.

On the water, near the quay, sat my boys waiting to be entertained.  We gingerly lowered the unwieldy kayak into the water, giving urgent instructions to the boys to grab hold of it, so that it wouldn't float away.  Our usual launch place was blocked so we were getting in from the high bank.  That is all well and good if you have the legs of a giraffe, but I have the legs of a dachshund.... my feet wree scrabbling around in mid-air whilst I was lowering myself in.

I don't know how, but we managed to get into the kayak without mishap.  It was unbelievably wobbly.  Nothing can compare.  You remember when some well-meaning adult took your stabiliser wheels off your bike and then let go of you for the first time?  Well, it is more wobbly than that.   I literally couldn't turn my head for fear of tilting over.

We carefully pushed ourselves away from the bank and started to paddle.  After some discussion about which paddle would go in first we started to potter off.  Being at the front, I set pace and rhythm and steer.  Really, Hannah is just along for the ride (EEEK don't let her know I said that!!)  The key to doing it, we discovered is to be completely in sync. That doesn't mean we managed it, it just that we discovered that is the key! As we were passed by one of the chaps who taught us, I heard him yelling something about paddling in time.  Well, it couldn't be my fault...I was setting the pace.  Actually, we didn't do half badly although apparently I do have a tendency to go full blast and dig in my paddle more on the right than the left which can be a little disconcerting for the person who is trying to keep in time with me and can also make the craft list slightly to one side.  (Well it's worked for me up 'till now....)

Hannah kept saying things like, 'lets just go nice and steady'.  I would start out with good intentions and then suddenly lose all sense and go at it like a dog after a bone.

All went well until we got to a bridge and then we had our first serious wobble, in sight of two young lads who were fishing and who seemed to thoroughly enjoy the entertainment.  I really thought we were going in and there was lots of girly screaming (mainly from me), slapping of paddles on water and brace strokes before we pulled ourselves together.  There was no further mishaps and we got to the 1 mile mark feeling a little smug.  Then we had to turn the beast.  Racing kayaks are made to go in a straight line.  They do not like turning.  I have learnt how to turn the K1's but this thing...it was like a learner driver doing 65 point turn in a narrow road in a 10 tonne truck.  I think it took about 5 minutes.  We are really going to have to work on that.  Finally, having got the thing ready to go homeward we started to paddle away. 

It was going extremely well.  Fairly smooth strokes.  Lots of paddling from our core, I was even finding my legs doing the bicycling movement they are meant to.  (Hannah found she was too terrified to move her legs, she tried but they simply would obey the instruction)

As I said, it was going so well.  And then....we came back to that bridge and Hannah's phone rang.  On the bank the fishing boys watched with growing mirth.

First of all was she mad, bringing her phone for a ride in a boat that the width and stability of a toothpick???!!!

And secondly she wasn't really going to answer it was she???!!!

She answered the phone.

Without warning, she stopped paddling and started scrabbling down inside the cleavage of her buoyancy aid,  where she had stored it.  The boat started wobbling like a ballerina going on point for the first time.  I was madly doing bracing strokes and trying to stop us going over.

"You aren't answering that now?"  I squawked in disbelief. (Sniggering from the boys on the bank)
"I have to, it might be Mike" (Mike is her husband)
I was thinking, "so what?"
I said, "Your phone is going to get wrecked!" and protested, "We are going to fall in!"
"It's in a water-proof case"
"Oh that's all right then."  I said, a bit sarcastically.  I was more concerned about falling in than her phone!  There was a brief conversation behind me about their dinner and where she was.

Oh for goodness sake.  I was going to get wet for the sake of a bit of spag bol.  There was now open laughter coming from the lads on shore.  I looked at them in mute appeal but they only laughed all the more. 

The conversation ended and Hannah tucked her phone back in her bosom and we paddled back to shore.  She seemed completely unfazed by my concern.  However, we pulled up to the jetty triumphant and despite all indications to the contrary, much to Will and Jeremy's disappointment,  we hadn't capsized.

Then I tried to lever myself out of that tiny little cockpit.  Who designs a boat for an adult and makes the cockpit child-sized? I finally, with a lot of huffing and puffing, popped out of there like a cork out of a champagne bottle and hauled myself out on to blessed, beautiful dry land. 

You would think I had learnt my lesson but we went and did it again the following Tuesday.  This time on high seats which makes you feel like you are perch in the top branches of a tree and sitting on a  jelly as you paddle along and if your partner even flexes a bum cheek or winks an eye, you know about it!  Jeremy took it upon himself to scream, "One - Two!" repeatedly at us as we paddled along, to help get our rhythm correct.  It was such a tranquil little paddle.

 I also discovered, with the high seat, the rudder wires were jamming on my hips (I may have to give up muffins) so turning was even more problematic.  But, we were not to be defeated and vowed to continue on our quest to conquer K2 kayaking....

In that spirit, we have somehow managed to commit to do the club marathon and perhaps try a division 9 race in May next year.

So, guess what I am doing this afternoon.... it might be easier to go and climb the real K2 after all!