Badge of Honour 10 May 2014

I sat there, the rain drizzling enough to smear my glasses, contemplating what was coming next.  I had done this before in order to achieve my one star qualification;  but, in my usual style, I had lost the paper work and needed to be reassessed before the club, I had just joined, would let me loose on their equipment. 
 
It has been a long held desire of my to join the local canoe club and the race seemed to be the perfect excuse.  It is also something my whole family from the 8 year old up to my husband can do together.

So far that afternoon, I had proved that I could paddle forwards and backwards  and in a figure of 8, scull sideways, do an emergency stop in both directions, steer and use my paddle as a stern rudder.  I demonstrated that I could safely get in and out of my kayak. I was able to explain the etiquette on the canal, discuss hazards such as Weill's disease and licencing of craft.  I was almost there.  There was just one more little test I had to do...

I handed my glasses over to my little boy Timothy, who was sitting in the assessor's Canadian canoe, grinning and thoroughly enjoying his afternoon.  Alongside me in their own closed cockpit kayaks were my husband and 12 year old son, Jeremy.  The time had come.

I chickened out,  I made my 12 year go first.  I know, what kind of a parent am I?  My husband urged me to go.  You have got to be joking! No.  He had to go before me.  Now it was my turn.

The time was now.

No really, it was definitely going to maybe happen now in a minute....

I hate this bit. I really hate it. I really, really hate it.  Yes, I was going to do it.

I contemplated the dark watery depths pockmarked with raindrops.  I know I can do this, for goodness sake! I have done it before.  

I held my breath. I loved the inside of this kayak.  It felt warm and safe and...dry.  I gingerly lay my paddle down in the water alongside the kayak.  I leaned over to the right of my kayak and looked into the canal.  I held my breath.... I held my breath....I held my breath....and....I let it out. I caught hold of my paddle again and held it across my body.  I was praying desperately,  "oh God! help, help.  I can kayak. I love kayaking.  I am just so scared of this bit.  I need to do it so I can use the club equipment and practice for the race. Oh God help me do it please help me do it..."

I lay down the paddle in the water to my left and  looked again at that horrible dark and - previous experience had taught me - cold water and felt a shudder of terror run through me.  "Oh for Pete's sake. I have got to do this.  I am not going to let this last hoop I have to jump through prevent me from kayaking."  I thought to myself.  Determination gripped me.

I tilted to the right again, took a big breath and felt the boat slowly start to list and roll.  Then it gathered speed and I was on my way to a controlled (ha ha) capsize.  The water rushed up to greet me and swallowed me up in a loving embrace.  I felt myself slide out of the cockpit and with only a small(phew!) amount of water up my nose and down my throat. I surfaced, treading water and started to swim, pushing my kayak to the bank.  Yes!  I had passed!  The assessor reissued my 1* certificate and let me loose on the Basingstoke Canal.

One more hurdle crossed in my training.

Two hours I spent on the canal on that Saturday.  I have never been so exhausted in my life!  I came home, ate everything in sight and lay down on the settee to recover.

It was only when I stood up I realised my left leg was a little tender to the touch.  I rolled up my jammie leg.  Wow!  What a badge of honour.... another bruise to add to the many I have sustained training for the Beast of Ballyhoura.

'Badge of Honour'